Monday Musings for October 16, 2023

 Holy wow, this blog is not turning out the way I intended (sort of) when I started writing again a few months ago. It seems to be turning in to one of those "one post a month" kinda blogs and I don't even know why that is because I'm actually not that busy. Lately. Yet. 

I'll paint a picture for you today: It's almost one o clock in the afternoon, I just sat down to eat my slightly burnt black bean and sweet potato burrito, and I just realized that it suddenly start pouring rain outside. It's been grey and damp and chilly all morning, and I've already loaded the wood stove twice so far today in an effort to keep it warm in here so I don't have to turn on the oil heat. I looked out the window the other day and realized that there's suddenly a carpet of gold and brown leaves on the ground, and even though we're only halfway through the month, it's starting to feel like Halloween already. So I'm sitting here with the fire going and I'm watching Christmas movies and thinking about nothing in particular in general. 

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Yesterday, I attended an online "council gathering" with one of my shamanic teachers, and it was...interesting. It was all about ritual, from both the shamanistic and witchcraft points of view, and it was bascially all things I already knew...like the fact that I really really need to create some new daily rituals for myself because the ones I am doing most of the time now are really not healthy for me anymore. They were probably okay when I was in survival mode, but now I'm trying to move out of that and see what's on the other side for me, and engaging in rituals that close off my mind and my heart from the rest of the world all day aren't really going to do much for me. 

She was talking about how we've lost this connection with the world. We no longer have any kind of connection with the plants and animals that feed and sustain and heal us, because it's all for profit. There's no relationship where we communicate and give and take with other beings, unless it's forking over cash in a transaction. And I have been feeling that in my very bones lately, that need for a relationship and connection. 

That said, another one of my teachers said that the energy today would be good for putting a tea light in a cauldron and making an offering to the element of fire. Lucky me, I have two little cauldrons that will easily fit a tea light, so that's what I'll be doing in a little while after I make an offering to the Clean Kitchen Gods...

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As for the ukulele/music part of my life, there's not much going on there, just starting to work through some more techinically challenging stuff from Andrew Molina's lessons, and oh yeah, I went to my first live in-person uke jam last night. 

When I tell you I was scared shitless, let me reassure you, I was indeed scared shitless. My body was sort of behaving - had a few heart palpitations earlier that afternoon that almost made me say fuck it and stay home - and I was so grateful for that. It's been four long years since I first picked up a ukulele, and this was the first time ever that I sat with a group of people and played music. (I wore a mask, used my nasal spray, and sat by the open window because Covid is still a thing, folks.) 

The conversation I had with my 15 year old as I was getting ready to leave went something like this:

Me: Do you know where I'm going?

Him: Where?

Me: I'm going to walk into a room with a bunch of people who I don't know and I've never met and I'm going to sit and play ukulele with them for an hour and a half. 

Him: OMG THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF?

And it was terrifying but I did it and I survived and I even had a little bit of a good time and I felt **really** good when it was all done, and I was absolutely starving when I got back to the car. We got home and I started cooking burritos for all of us and we made virgin pina coladas with cherries to celebrate. So it was good, and now I can't wait for the next one in two weeks and hopefully my body will continue to cooperate so I can get back out into the world and starting doing things again. 

Like I told my kid, sometimes you just gotta hit that override button and launch yourself out of the airlock and out into space...

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So that's where it's at this Monday. In a few minutes, I'll haul my ass out of this chair and wander outside with Tucker for a few minutes and then do some kitchen witch stuff because I'm pretty sure my kid is having a rough Monday and maybe some homemade chocolate chip cookies and hot cocoa will be nice for him to come home to.