Monday Musings for December 4, 2023

 Well, yikes. These last couple of weeks have been...interesting. 

Thanksgiving was kind of a bust, as I was sick with whatever upper respiratory crud my husband and son came down with, and then I spent the day after Thanksgiving in the ER to get my heart palpitations checked after the provider at the local urgent care read my EKG wrong and told me I needed to be "evaluated immediately". So that was fun. 

As my body lurches towards being officially post-menopausal (I'm a third of the way there as of yesterday), I'm suddenly feeling confronted with all manner of musings on mortality. Today is an odd day, with overcast skies and damp ground (should be covered in snow in the Adirondacks at this time of year), and still wondering what to do with my life. I've been stuck in this same place for so long, I'm starting to wonder what would be out there for me if/when I ever manage to get back outside again. The yoga studios where I taught are all gone. I don't have the physical strength or capacity to teach anymore, anyway. 

It's one of those days where I just want to crawl back into bed under the blankets or curl up next to the wood stove and just sleep the day away. I'm kind of bummed that we don't have our tree up yet, but hoping that we can do that next weekend. 

I started looking around my house and have decided that I need to give away or donate or otherwise get rid of a ton of stuff. I have boxes and boxes of yoga books that are going to go to a local studio for their teacher training program. I have boxes and boxes of beads and jewelry and supplies that need to go somewhere. (I've tried selling it, but no one wants it. Maybe I'll just donate it all to the library?)

But. 

I just took a bite of delicious vegetables korma, full of tiny mung beans and cashews and green peas and carrots and well-cooked potatoes and cauliflower, so that makes things a little better. If I can rouse myself in a few minutes after I finish this blog, I'm going to go bake some chocolate chip cookies for us. 

Some days, this self-care thing (eating my vegetables, taking a shower, going for a walk) feels so challenging, it's like a full-time job. 

So why do I want to find a full-time job these days?

Anyway. 

If you're reading this, whoever is reading this, I hope you're having a sweet December Monday. Just a few weeks until Christmas.